i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize