The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
