hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
