We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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