he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize