This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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