A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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