Buhtt sex?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
