I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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