I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
