Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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