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IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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