too bad you live with your parents still
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
