Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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