My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
