i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
