As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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