U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
