He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
