My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize