great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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