his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
