all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
