I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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