I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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