so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
