Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
