"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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