Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
