I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
