So drunk its hurt
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
