Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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