I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
