I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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