You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
