So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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