i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
