Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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