dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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