The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
