i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
