there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
