oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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