Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
