brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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