so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
