there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize