btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
