what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
