i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
