Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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