just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
