If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
