Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
