the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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