We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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