You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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