She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
