is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
