i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
