i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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