Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
