you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
