finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
