careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my sisters under your porch take her home
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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