i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
