keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
