I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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