No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
