I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love you.
Bad choice
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
