Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
