I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
